Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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