Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
