So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize