I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
