I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
well you can't waste a boner
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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