Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
love makes seman taste better
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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