I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
