I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
