Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
