took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
