I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
