She said her name was "party"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
