Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
