I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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