theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
