Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
