Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
