Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
