i permit you to call me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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