Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
