trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
