I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
