The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
