You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
