They should really pass out barf bags in church
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
