woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
