Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
