At least make sure they are 18
Why
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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