I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
