Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
