i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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