Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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