Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
