ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
