I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
