Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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