forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
