The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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