I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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