John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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