Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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