oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
