Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
