I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
