Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
