so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So vagazzling was a success
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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