He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
