I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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