Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize