the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And then he peed in my hair
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
