I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
