Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
