the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
