Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
