I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
