Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
