I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
