my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
