I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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