i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
