ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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