i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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