I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
