I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
