We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
